Sunday, May 4, 2014

A poem... or whatever.

Growing up my mom always taught me to raise my voice.
To have a voice.
To be a voice. 

My dad taught me equally the importance of silence.
It's the words you don't say, not the words you do. 
A whisper. Wisdom. 

I guess I've always found a little foundation in both sides. 

I was raised Republican. 
Yes. Elephants. Morals. The whole 10 yards... with picketed fences, of course. 
Family, time for Jesus, and some of grandma's apple pies. 

Curious, I was. 
So intrigued not by what was, but what wasn't.
Not by what was being said, but what was silent. 

In all 65 church pews I never found a single voice crying out... I'm different!
Struggle. That's what I'll call it. 
I found such life in who I was, but found myself dabbling in other things.

Peru. Israel.
Culture Shock.
In the end, love. 
People telling me every which way to be. 
Silence... or Voice?
By that time, my words were silent, but my actions echoed louder still. 
A purpose.

Los Angeles, I cannot believe the city of angels is so...
Look left, I'm wrong. Look left, it's right. 
So many colors.
I stay in the quiet just to find my place.
I stay in the quiet and they yell that I am LAZY. 
Silence does not work.

I raise my voice to be heard and..
Son you better think again, you racist pig
They tell me.  
Learn a language to speak to my best. friend's. family.
I guess I didn't learn enough words. 

Every voice.
You are not Christian, in LA you are cultured.
I look around and see so many faces, yet none of them smile. 
I don't remember that abroad. 

I cannot breath.
At times. 
I open it further. 
Widen your horizons. 
All I see are buildings, I say. 
You must leave the farm.

WE are the people.
We are the democrats of America.
The land of the free...
I am not.
Laughs heard from every corner, every alley. 
Friends. Gone.
I guess not so free. 

You must believe to achieve. 
But there's no room for Jesus in this city. 
Buddha is welcome, he's skinnier.
No room. No time. 

Think differently.
Science. Silence.
You have to change your perspective. 
Become like us. 
Become unique. 
A robot I will not be. 
I am stupid?

We are the most welcoming people in the world...
We welcome students into our mindset. 
Refusal = Rejection.
Oppression in the 21 Century. 
And you say that YOU are the one discriminated. 

I will put up with your laws.
You're hatred of the patriarchy.
Your belief that you simply...
Farms are underprivileged.
My dad is a farmer because he couldn't learn anything else. 
Your dad, like, oh my gosh...
Not rich, privileged.
It sounds better.
AKA not so Republican. 

You silence my music,
My art, 
My God,
My parents, 
My heart,
My voice.

You silence me. 
But my silence disturbs you.
Jabs. Knifes. Glares.
All the same. 
Voice or silence?
Quit it, think on your own.
Parents are meant for their money anyways.

I open a door for you.
You cuss in my face.
I tell you that you look nice.
You cuss in my face.
I tell you I understand.
You cuss in my face and state, NO YOU DON'T.
Because I am a Republican.
Because I am Christian.

I say hello, you say goodbye. 
My tears are not enough to make you turn your head.
I eat my food alone, 
Because you are too busy having intimate relations with the opposite sex, the same sex, a dog...
And I listen.
I listen.
I listen.
Why can you be so loud, and I have to remain so silent.
Cover my mouth with a muzzle.
Because I am a dog and a dog is me, evidently.

If I scream, you will not listen.
If I talk, you will not listen.
If I whisper, you will not listen.
And if I am silent, you are happier.

You will never get to know me. 
I am racist, sexist, patriarchal, or just too optimistic.
One or the other.
You HATE all of those things.
You HATE me. 

Such a welcoming city, you're right. 
I think I will stay. 
I'll stay. 
Because you aren't winning.
And in the end, 
If it's evolution, you die.
If God is real, then...
Well, you're still trying to duck tape that mouth shut.

But I love you.
I love you.
And I will wait here, until you are ready to get to know me.
Not for what others say about me, but for who I actually am. 

For my voice.

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