Sunday, July 10, 2011

so blessed.

how about we start with the good;-) I ended up singing three concerts with Holly!!!! Two worship sets and one show. It was crazy. It was one of the most fun things I have done all year. I sang back up vocals for Holly during the last two days and was able to see her concert from a very new perspective.

I was up there on stage holding my breath, sitting on a stool... watching her dance around, sing, and talk like it was no big deal. It was crazy. She truly has a gift of being in front of people. She is bold in the way that she does it too. Being able to sing with her was definitely a great end to our saying goodbye.

See, I'm leaving for Peru in two weeks... Holly doesn't get back from tour until four weeks. Which obviously means, today was my last day to see her for a whole year. It was very strange. Yes, I have been emotional in the weeks leading up, and she has two. A tear here. A tear there. But as soon as we got to the airport it was as if the floodgates opened and there was nothing left to say. Unfortunately, the floodgate have still not been allowed to close. We're sitting in the Green Bay Airport and lets just say I've definitely got some people staring at the guy typing on the computer crying. haha

Honestly, all I can say is this... it feels like death has hit me. I feel like I should feel when someone has died. Now you may be thinking I'm a little over dramatic, which would actually be a compliment now that I am into this whole acting thing, but seriously... think of it like this. Holly is not only my sister, she is my best friend. When the combination of two such magnetic relationships is torn, it is indescribable.

Okay, so I definitely won't be even half this emotional with anyone else in the world when I'm saying goodbye so you don't have to worry. The worst is over. I think;-)

I guess the point of this whole blog is this. God has given me a vision these past couple hours. A vision of not taking things for granted, of looking toward eternity and not towards the now. If we give our heart over to earthly treasures, even relationships... we will be broken beyond repair. Now I'm not saying that you can't have relationships. What I am saying is this.

Holly was my clutch. I believe God is sending me on this journey of separation so I could realize that my relationship between me and him must be just that. Me and Him. He doesn't want me relying on someone else. He doesn't want me to be following in the footsteps of a vision He made for someone else. He wants me to have vision. He wants me to be able to hear His voice clearly. He wants to love me, individually. Just the same as He desires you.

So today, if there is someone in your life that you use as a clutch. As a mediator between you and God. Thank God for that person. And allow yourself to let them go. Take the step forward of building a relationship with Christ that will be so personal that His voice in your life will be the only voice you listen to.

To Holly,

I love you more than anyone reading this blog will ever know. You have allowed me to develop a relationship with Christ and have been patient with me in the times that I was not understanding. You have been the one there for me when I have been confused, angry, and excited. You have never given up on me even when your schedule is the busiest thing I have ever witnessed. You have treated me like a brother the way the Bible intends a brother to be treated... with love.
You have sat up until the early hours of the morning discussing deep personal issues with me, and sometime have sat up just so we can laugh and eat dessert. You have supported me in being me when very few others would. You have endured my crazy life and crazy ideas. You have been a sister. But most importantly, a best friend.

Te Quiero Mucho (I love you so much)



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