Wednesday, January 4, 2012

we shall see.

so do you remember how I told you about cleaning up my old host dads house when they were gone. Putting presents under my family's tree. Making those beers with the exchange students to give to the president? How I was so excited to see his reaction when he came back...

Well, I found out that I wish I would have never done it. Why do I keep putting my expectations in men, and not God. It really frustrates me how inconsistent I am with that. Being able to be fine one moment, and the next let something someone tells me completely throw me off course.

That happened with my old host dad. Without a thank you. Without a greeting. And tonight, without even a smile he managed to pretend like I never did anything. Like i didn't clean his house for over 5 hours, twice (one of those days being christmas). And instead of only pretending that I didn't do anything, he also decided to blame me for his broken ping-pong table. WHICH WAS BROKEN BEFORE HE EVEN LEFT!!!!

I am so done with it.

God has shown me that I have definitely got to stop letting people just run over me. I have got to stop letting their actions affect mine. I just feel like life runs in one big loop sometimes. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." (Said to me by Camille before I started high school, first said by Elenore Roosevelt.)

Tell me, where is that line. That line between being nice... and being stupid. The line that says no. I've never been successful at that, saying no. If I see a house with dog poop all over it... I clean it... even if it means missing half of my family Christmas party on Christmas. Where is the line between the "Golden Rule" and sanity. Or is there one? Do I really just let people walk over me like that while I try to humbly serve them?

Welp. I wote a super long letter to Vanessa my first host sister tonight. And instead of doing the normal Luke (asking forgiveness for something I never did) I told her how incredibly disappointed I was with her father.

I know their family might read this... and i'm okay with that. I think I'm finally getting to the point where I can move on and live even if the people around me aren't 100 percent happy. Because I tried my best, and my best evidently failed...

Sorry if you are completely hating this post. Just know this... Do no put your expectations in anything but God. Because man will fail you every. single. time.

No matter how hard you try.



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